One drink to remember, and another to forget
by WaltzMatildah
Summary: Prompt BREATHE. Alex and Lexie, friendship fic. Alex, in the aftermath of Izzie's departure, is finding it kinda hard to breathe. Lexie tries to be the friend that he needs.


Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libellous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

**One drink to remember, and another to forget...**

By Waltzmatildah

---

Lexie knows grief. Over the months and years that have led up to now she's become intimately familiar with it. With the way it can steal your breath and deaden your limbs. With the way it tears apart all the things about the world that you thought you knew, that you thought you understood. She's seen family members of patients scream or rage or cry or sit silently like, if they don't speak, if they don't actually say any words, then none of it will be true. She's seen fathers drink themselves into liver transplants and sisters turn on each other like there is some kind of blame to be laid, like everything that happened was all somebody else's fault. Because of this, or maybe in spite of it, she can no longer tell, she makes her way towards the trailer on the hill that Alex is currently calling home and wonders, curiously, if the death of a relationship has the potential to be earth shattering in the same kind of way.

It starts to rain about a minute into her journey, pelting sheets of water that morph, slowly but surely, into a misty drizzle the closer she gets to the trailer. It's still daylight when she arrives, but only just, and she tucks her chin a little deeper into her scarf as she climbs out of the car and contemplates a mad dash to door. She's part way there before she realises that the recipient of her visit is already outside, slumped in a garden chair, drinking beer.

"What are you doing out here?"she asks, chin still tucked down, looking up at him through the frown of her frosted lashes.

"Baking a cake."

She looks up properly and gets a face full of water for her trouble, "Pardon?"

"I said, I'm baking a cake, what does it look like I'm doing out here?"

There's a beer bottle in his hand, full still, like he's only just opened it, but there are plenty of empties scattered at his feet, a couple lying in the grass some distance from the trailer, like maybe he launched them there in some display of whatever it is that guys are trying to achieve when they throw things.

"Well, it ilooks/i like you're sitting on your ass in the rain drinking beer by yourself and it isounds/i like you're being a drunk jerk but, if you're baking a cake then I'll leave you to it..."

"What do you even care what I'm doing? What are you even doing here? Izzie doesn't live here anymore, remember?" He muffles the last word in the lip of the bottle as he swallows.

"I know she's not here Alex, I didn't-"

"So what, you've come to see if I've slit my wrists or blown my brains out under a freakin' tree? She's just a girl, Grey. At the end of the days she's just a freakin' girl." He cuts her off and then stares her down, like he's daring her to challenge him.

"No, Alex. Geez. Why don't you just cut the bullshit bravado crap because nobodies buying it..."

"It's not crap, I'm fine-"

"No, you're not. Izzie's your wife, your iwife/i, and she died. In your arms, she died. And then she wasn't dead anymore and then she left and you are so unbelievably far from fine that you're the only one who can't see it."

"I'm fine."

"No, Alex. You're not. I came here to give you this..." She reaches into the pocket of her coat and pulls out a silver envelope, tosses it in his direction and watches as he lets it fall to the trampled grass at his feet. "It's an invitation, to our engagement party. Mark and I got engaged and he told me not to give you this because it'll only make you worse but, to be honest, I don't know if it gets much worse than this..."

She gestures vaguely at the space surrounding them, at the beer bottles and the fact that it's raining, "So, I'm giving you the invitation and I'm hoping that you'll come because... it doesn't get much worse than this."

He makes it so hard for her to feel sorry for him, but she guesses that's kinda his point which somehow makes it all so much sadder.

"I can't go in there."

She's not expecting him to speak to her like a civil human being and is startled when he does, "Sorry?"

"I can't go in there, you asked me what I was doing out here, well, it's because I can't go in there."

"Alex..." But he's not looking at her, and she's pretty sure he's not listening to her so she lets him continue.

"I can't breathe in there. It's like, I dunno... she took all the air or something. Like, when she left she took all the freaking air in there with her and now... I can't breathe in there... so I'm out here, breathing."

He punctuates his last word by tipping his head back and swallowing in a way that makes Lexie want to comment that he's drinking out here too but stops she herself, doesn't want to agitate him any more than he already is.

"Breathing is good."

"Sometimes I'm not so sure."

And the despair in his words is so raw and think and cutting that Lexie feels completely inadequate.

"Alex, she's gonna come back..."

"You don't know that. She won't even talk to me on the phone so, why would she come back? Apparently I'm pretty easy to leave."

He looks up at her with a smirk that Lexie knows is nothing more than a practised reaction."You think?! I'm the one that you forgot you had sex with! How easy to leave does that make me?"

"Huh, yeah." He offers her the first real grin she's seen from him in days, "Sorry about that. And for being an ass before. Reed follows me around like a lost freakin' dog at the hospital with this sign around her neck that flashes 'do you wanna talk to me about it?' and it's driving me-"

"She likes you."

"What? No she doesn't. She hates me. They hate us all."

He's so indignant and so obviously oblivious that Lexie can't help but grin widely. "Uh huh. She likes you. Man, I can't believe you haven't figured it out yet, or maybe I can. I guess you've been a little... distracted. But, everyone else can see it." She offers him a quick nod to emphasise her point. "They're all saying it was the whole half naked with the baby thing... which... God, that's sounds so wrong in so many ways, but, you know what I mean. Me, personally? I think she's seen that underneath your jackass exterior you're all soft and squishy-"

"No I'm not!"

"Oh, yes you are. And she's seen that and she wants to try it out for herself..."

"What? I'm married! At least, I think I'm married. And she's the enemy, it'd be like double cheating..."

"Well, I think she's kinda hot..." Lexie counters, which she does, in a weird, college girl kind of way that immediately has Alex interested.

"Really?"

"Mmmm hmmm, totally. Maybe I'll have a word to her, give her some insider tips if you know what I mean."

"Jesus, Grey..."

"Okay, fine. So maybe that was a little too far but, you laughed... kind of... so, I win!" She reaches down and grabs a beer from the carton at his feet, the rain has stopped and, while it's far from sunny, it's pleasant enough.

"There was a competition?" Alex questions, more than slightly confused but Lexie just twists the top off her beer and grins. "There is always a competition..."

-----

"Thanks, you know, for coming all the way out here... Congratulations by the way. Sloan's a lucky guy. Oh wait, does Shepherd know? He's gonna crap his pants."

Lexie smirks, tactically deciding not to mention the fact that Derek crapping his pants was her first reaction too. "Yes, he knows! And he did not crap his pants. He's happy for us."

"Well, so am I... maybe I'll ring Izzie, mention it to her. Maybe she'll come back for a party..." There is more than a little hope hidden in his voice, his ability to bury it stripped away by the beers and rain and conversation.

"Hey, you said something before, about slitting your wrists or blowing your brains out... you don't... I mean... you wouldn't would you?" She's flustered, not sure where she's trying to go, has her eyes firmly on the bottle in her hand, "I mean, talking about it is one thing... but... " She looks up, needs to see his reaction for herself, "...you wouldn't would you?"

"No... If I slit anything, it'd be my throat. Carotid's so much faster..." But there is a definite smirk in his voice and she's knows he's not serious, at least, she's fairly certain he's not serious so she downs the last of her beer and shrugs at him before hefting her empty bottle across the clearing, not quite as far as the ones that are already there but, not a bad effort either. Alex grins at her, a lopsided smile that's quite obviously intoxicated but also kind of genuine.

"Hey Alex?" she calls over her shoulder as she's picking her way back to her car, "keep breathing."

He saluts her words with his beer and tilts his head back, til his face is skyward.

"Tell Sloan I'll fuck him up if he ever dumps you in a letter."

"I'll be sure to pass that on..."

"You do that."


End file.
